Comfort

Cosy room touching
My sensitive brain reaches
A safe haven then

An enigma

You thank therapist to answer the issue
Enigmatic and mysterious me comes up anew
And really until totally fixed
Body will keep annoying you
And to solve this enigma
Remains the work.

At woe

Woeful state of abnormal body
And why answer toys around
Flying around and annoying me
Diabolically quick at eluding me
Work still must continue
Woeful annoyance must be fixed.

Yes I talk

To talk won't mean voice
And although words are there
Only to read you must allow
Would that I could I would speak
Yet that I cannot do now
So talk would take typing
And to enjoy my talk reading.

I will turn a corner

Embarrassed l get
At work it need
Work repetitive and tough
And perhaps annoying
Others find prompting.
I know what to do
This body refuses to move
The words and gestures
Are silent oil
To this engine seized
By this wretched disease
That rules supreme
Asylum I seem to seek
So lend me some oasis
Defeat this monster.

Only well I am feeling

The annoying sniffles
The annoying coughing
The aching joints
The sore throat
At this time
Are destroyed by immunity
The work of my body
Rising to the challenge
The results of rest
And good healthy diet.

Have an enhanced reading experience

The reader in my iPad
Turns the stim finally off
The rustle and satisfaction
Finally absent so that i
Focus finally on the words
That I read understanding
Works well read by me
The screen unobtrusive
Unlike paper which beckons
The senses and mind
To touch and sound automatically
Drawing me into intoxication
The reading second ah joy
So better for me
To read on iPad.

Narrative essay - living with autism in a normal world

To me, normal is different than most people, I assume. Assume, because I’m not sure what other people’s world is like. They certainly don’t behave as if they live in my world. I don’t see anyone too concerned with maintaining a calm façade while they frantically try processing millions of disturbing stimuli. It took me sixteen years to get here, why, then is a three year old better equipped to deal with these stimuli? He seems calm and relaxed. Maybe his world is different than mine.

My anguish began at birth when I first entered this frightening world. My earliest memories are of deafening noises, blindingimages and painful touches on my sensitive ears, eyes and skin. It took me two years to shut off my ears, eyes and skin. I found that if I rocked just so, no sound would interrupt my peace. If I flapped a sock with the right rhythm and looked at it through the corner of my eyes, my vision did not scare me. I enjoyed my numb existence mostly, except when it was disturbed by people trying to interrupt my rhythm.

I found one person exceptionally annoying. Although her smell and voice were vaguely comforting and familiar, she was always trying to interrupt my carefully orchestrated world. She would flash cards at me so quickly that I couldn’t help but wonder what they were. She would pipe strange sounds into my ears, but it would end before I could protest. She would rub my skin withdifferent materials saying words I was beginning to comprehend.She would make me creep and crawl to satisfy my burning curiosity to see more words and images. She never left me aloneeven if I screamed, bit, pinched or hit her.

She made me enjoy my senses by giving them a workout a few seconds at a time. Don’t get me wrong, she wouldn’t leave me in peace after a few seconds, she would just do something else with me. She never left my side from the time I got up to when I went to sleep. Slowly things became less frightening. How she did it I don’t know, but my ears, eyes and skin no longer hurt so much. I still need earplugs occasionally so I suspect my ears don’t work as well as others.

Over the years my family grew to include a sister and a brother but I never saw them as tormented as I was. I never saw my mother work with them as she still does with me. I suppose my world is different from theirs. I am glad I have my annoying, persistent,lovely, gem of a mother to help me through it.

Another ant another goal

Ants work and work
And I work and work
And enigma are lives remain
All this work and bustle
What for I ask
Ants are too insignificant
And what ability got ants
To change this world
They answer we have force
Enormous in numbers
What ignoramus I am
They are unroped and unfettered
And so tiny a power
And amass when they do
Bring all to a stop
Angry and totally a swarm to answer
Ants are totally a power to behold.

Really intense and interesting amazing 4 days

Therapists applied touch all over
What illness took for itself
They put it's image back
And although it flickers
Repetition should make perfection
I thank Dr. M and her army of healing hands.

Quite a treat a concert I went to

Welcome so much the invite from baba
A chance for some time together
And listening to splendid music
Delighted my ears and my heart
Reading I enjoy and music too
Mozart and baba I enjoyed a lot.

Yearn to enhance sleeping system

Yearn to enhance sleeping system

Aiding my body, all this exertion

Enjoyable for me, work for you

Quite a solution, working on automatism

Except this body doesn't answer

Ignoring my pleas to wake up

It stays frozen to all my demands

Wake up my brain, return to me

Wake up my body, perform perfectly.

Another year

Tomorrow I turn twenty
Another decade has gone
My struggle fight continues
There is no truce no white flag
The body rebels and the brain commands
And I await the result of war
Win brain, make this body work
This decade awaits a functional Jamil.

Really delicious dinner

Pizza made especially my way
And kabob and cupcake
And so pleasing to my mouth
Every light of my day
Infused with taste
Eating l enjoy perfect food.

Oasis

Worn out senses require respite
Real break from the staccato of life
Calming and soothing lull in crowds
A welcome reprieve at a desperate time
Perhaps l go to my room to bed
Soothing sleep providing relief.

tease worst kind

my damn fingers itch
worst for me as I can't react
flaps of skin waiting to be pulled
and then I succumb quite easily
and the genius of healing
restores it right back
I enjoy the feeling that
a good sloughing will do.

tango I want to learn

perfect and opulent
full of passion and energy
worldly rythmic moves
I only wish I could do
tango is a dance
l really want to learn.

welcome salmon

a welcome dinner
lt has been an eternity
succulent salmon
grilled to perfection
perhaps you will make it for me.

yeah woe eternal to me

the anguish I feel
when hope ebbs away
world goes on and me?
I stay a polite statue
and woe washes over
waves upon waves
must people think
I have nothing to say
lf only they knew
what stays in my heart.

learn another way

the way for me wears thin for you
endless repetition and so little to show
very different inside, I know what I see
then why can't I replicate what I see
deliver the lesson that I know so well
not stand looking stymied which I abhor.